The Green Hope Falcon

PSAT Aftermath

Amelia Mendes and Sophie Hall

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With college, either around the corner, or just on the back burner of our minds, the PSAT can serve the purpose of a wakeup call for us to get our lives together, a practice test for the real thing, and/or just an excuse to get out of class. This year, the PSAT was particularly eventful, having both positive and negative repercussions on some of our student body.

1) Ernie Kirkfield: Ernie Kirkfield had registered for the PSAT back in September, which in school years was approximately a decade ago. Having forgotten about the practice test, Ernie came in on Wednesday morning completely oblivious as to why his first period classroom on the third floor was occupied by a different bunch of students. After realizing that no, they were not “body-snatched”, Ernie was devastated to find that aside from forgetting about the test, he had left his calculator at home. After desperately running from math class to math class, looking for a blessed TI-84, Ernie was crushed and on the verge of tears when a history teacher asked him what was wrong. After a brief explanation blubbered through sobs, the history teacher claimed that he had the “perfect solution” and hurried into his classroom. He then handed poor Ernie Kirkfield an abacus, the ancient Chinese tool for counting that involved sliding beads.

Aftermath: After a nightmarish two hours and 45 minutes trying to solve a quadratic equation by sliding small wooden beads, Ernie Kirkfield had collapsed on his desk, a spent young man.

2) Dana Stickle:  Ernie was not the only student who did not have a positive PSAT experience. Dana Stickle had not forgotten about the PSAT, but had rather been reviewing every night, since mid September, a decade of her school life lost. Ready to go, having had a full eight hours of sleep, Dana was on the first question of the reading portion when a startling, buzzing noise that was annoyingly just loud enough to be heard, entered the room. At first,  she disregarded the small nuisance, but after a few minutes with no progress having been made on the first section of the test, the fattest wasp she had ever laid eyes on landed directly on top of her paper. After viciously swatting it away, the little bugger kept coming back, this time with a vengeance. Now anxiously dodging the obese pest while simultaneously calculating how much time she had left, Dana knew that the only way she should would ever be able to clear her head would be if the vile wasp had been permanently rendered incapacitated. So, she reached over and grabbed Ernie Kirkfield’s abacus, that wasn’t of any use to him anyway, and smashed the wasp, breaking the abacus and sending round, wooden beads, rolling in all directions.

Aftermath: Dana Stickle has since decided that she no longer aspires to achieve a college education and instead has decided to become a “pest control specialist”.

3) Lloyd Webber: Unlike Dana and Ernie, Lloyd Webber felt that the PSAT was of no real importance, except for the fact that it got him out of the class where he was forced to sit next to Mark Gilly, who had gym first period and carried around a nose-stinging musk the rest of the day. Seated in the back row, Lloyd lazily turned to the first page of the test, pretending to actually participate, and was about to lay his head down for a nap, when he subconsciously read the first sentence of the assigned reading.  Intrigued, Webber continued with the article and found it surprisingly riveting. He looked over the questions and was shocked to find that he knew the answers. The next article was even better and before he knew it, the test was over and he had completed every question and was faithful that he had done a decent job. Unfortunately, when Lloyd stood up, he slipped on a small round abacus bead, that had somehow made its way to the back row, and went careening into the proctor, the two ending up in a tangled heap on the floor, just as the bell rang.

Aftermath: Lloyd Webber got a perfect score on the PSAT reading portion as well as a cast for his broken leg. Now, on bed rest for the next few days, Webber is looking forward to taking the real SAT and is enjoying reading for the first time in his life during his recovery.

About the Contributors
Amelia Mendes, Staff Writer

Amelia Allende Mendes is a junior at Green Hope this year.  She moved here four years ago from Miami Beach in Florida, but her favorite place in the world to visit is Costa Rica, because her grandmother’s used to be there.  Her favorite subject in school is drama, and she hopes to eventually receive a bachelors degree in fine arts from Fordham University.  She joined The Falcon this year because she feels that journalism is a great medium to express yourself and write about issues that are relevant to your peers.

Sophie Hall, Staff Writer

The youngest of three sisters, Sophie Hall is a Junior this year at Green Hope.  She plays soccer, excels at drawing and her favorite movie is Pixar’s UP.  She has been a part of The Falcon for all three years of high school.  Money and smarts notwithstanding, she would go to MIT for college, and then move to New Zealand.  The most interesting thing for Sophie this summer was getting a new kitten. The class that she is most excited for this year is AP Psychology, which fits very well with her superpower of choice, telekinesis.  She views herself as night person because of how difficult it is to get out of bed in the morning.

 

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PSAT Aftermath